Birds know it. Bees know it. Even educated fleas know it. Valentine’s Day is officially the least lovely day of the year.

Peer through the window of any half-decent restaurant — and most of the ropey ones, too — and you’ll see the place full of couples staring moodily into the middle distance, searching for something to say. They’re all thinking the same thing: “Isn’t this supposed to be romantic? And: “This Valentine’s special seems awfully expensive.”

And it will be — but at least you’ll be getting excellent service from waiting staff who are thrilled to be there. What, you mean they don’t want to be there?

Well, they’re not alone. This year, announce to your beloved that you’re taking them away for a weekend of fine food, hand-in-hand strolls and unstifled conversation at one of the UK’s best and most ahhingly lovely B&Bs, restaurants with rooms or small, outstanding hotels. You’re just not doing it with everyone else. Whether or not you mention that each place has come up with a special and exclusive Sunday Times reader offer is entirely up to you.

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• Five romantic English weekends on a budget

Some are knocking up to 50% off the rate for a weekend stay. Others offer spa treatments or Michelin-starred meals. More still are laying on room upgrades or bottles of champagne to kick-start your weekend.

Happy un-Valentine’s Days.

Unless stated, all prices are per room, on a weekend, valid from February 21 until the end of April, subject to availability and excluding Easter weekend and bank holidays. Travel discounts are included; quote “Sunday Times Offer” when booking

1 ANCHORAGE HOUSE, Tregrehan, Cornwall
Not so much a B&B as a country lodge, Anchorage House is a few minutes’ drive away from the Eden Project, but you can set up your own mini Eden here. The place has a growing collection of awards, including five stars from the AA and from Visit Britain, and a gold award for Best B&B from Visit Cornwall.

You are welcome to contemplate such decorations as you lounge in the pool, sauna and hot tub, where you can soak and soothe before tucking into a spot of dinner (AA dining awards, 2002-08, since you ask), which is by arrangement only and costs £29 for two courses. After all that, you’re on your own.
Two nights, B&B, with afternoon tea, chocolate-dipped strawberries and a bottle of wine in room, starts at £220 on March 28 or 29 and at £230 in April; 01726 814071, anchoragehouse.co.uk

2 GIDLEIGH PARK, Chagford, Devon
If you fancy splashing out on a dining experience that few can match, Gidleigh is for you. The executive chef, Michael Caines, holds one MBE and two Michelin stars; in 1999, when he was first awarded the pair, he was the youngest chef to achieve such commendation.

To accompany your feast, the cellar has just the 8,000 bottles. Before dining, if you’re struggling for ways to work up an appetite, may we suggest croquet, tennis, fly-fishing, bowls, falconry, rock climbing, mountain-biking, shooting or riding? And, of course, there’s always the spa.

Two nights, half-board (one à la carte, one tasting menu), start at £1,060, with morning tea or coffee in room, picnic lunch with hamper and cool bags, and champagne on arrival; 01647 432367, gidleigh.com

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