Yes, it does sometimes rain. So what, really? You read your books, you play your board games, you eat huge dinners, you put on waterproofs and go out anyway. There’s always something to look at and something to explore.

What I especially like about these holidays is their old-fashionedness. There will be plenty of time to explore Las Vegas or the Amalfi coast or Zanzibar, but meanwhile we’re all here in Cornwall, and it’s a bit Famous Five and comical, but nobody’s being spoilt with deluxe holidays, nobody is developing a sense of entitlement about deserving to go only to flash places, and our entertainment isn’t linked to the need to spend money. We’re doing small, ordinary things, albeit extremely enjoyable ones.

Accommodation, obviously, is key. Here is some advice for getting yours cheap.

COTTAGES

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Be fussy about where the property is, but not about aesthetics or star ratings. I’ve rented some extremely expensive places in the past that had posh kitchens and nice bathrooms, but were miles away from the beach and therefore a complete waste of time - the idea is not to spend ages in the car if you feel like an impromptu preprandial dip.

Then I realised the error of my ways and started renting physically unattractive (grotesque, even), dramatically cheaper — because you pay a premium for wooden floors, madly, but not for incredible views — bungalows that were either on, or across from, the beach. Okay, so they’re never going to win design awards, and the swirly carpet isn’t necessarily your cup of tea — but so what?

Last year’s jewel was next door to a beach cafe that did surfing lessons and organic breakfasts, to say nothing of jugs of Pimm’s at sunset. We had candlewick bedspreads, a beige-plastic kitchen, hideous strip lighting and an embarrassment of “art” on the walls, featuring big-eyed children with cloth caps, but it was fantastic: you could be on the beach in one minute flat and every night the sunset was like a painting.

There is no point looking for bargains like this with trendy, boutique cottage agencies, the sort with arty photographs of pebbles on their websites. They’d sooner die than list them. Instead, try the cheerfully mass-market likes of www.independentcottages.co.uk , www.cottages4you.co.uk and www.cottagesdirect.com . They have thousands of properties, many of them slightly naff but well located (usefully, the last one allows you to search by proximity to the beach).

STATIC CARAVANS

Do not discount the static caravan. They’re brilliant — I’m saving up to buy one in Camber Sands as I write, but you can also hire them. I started noticing, a few years ago, that many caravan sites were absolutely brilliantly located, often near the smart house we’d paid a fortune to rent, and often closer to the beach than said smart house — one, I realised with a pang of sheer envy two years ago, backed right onto the dunes. Have a look at www.static-caravan.co.uk , which has loads to choose from, and www.ukparks.com, which will find you a caravan park featuring statics to rent wherever and whenever you want to go.

It’s also worth checking out Haven (www.haven.com). Its holiday parks, where you stay in static caravans, were once unkindly described as Center Parcs for chavs (and me). The company’s bookings have gone up by 30% year on year at the time of writing, as a direct result of the credit crunch. Crunch or no crunch, I say these are brilliant, cheerful family holidays and your children will love them. Last-minute deal prices start at about £385 for a week in a static caravan that sleeps eight.

(This also applies to Butlins. I’m mad about Butlins. When I say to people, “Please, I beg, take me to Butlins for the weekend”, they laugh and think I’m being cutely ironic. I’m not. I love Butlins — everything about it puts me in a good mood.)

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