Oh sunny days! I had forgotten, until yesterday, that we lived in Utopia, a green and pleasant land of milk and honey and skill-based opportunity. But we do. Gordon Brown came to the Commons to unveil his vision and to explain how Britain (soon to be rebranded Gordonia) is getting even better. Forget Britain’s Got Talent, Britain has Gordon!

It is, simply, marvellous. Oops, I hope that’s not too negative. The Prime Minister was bubbling with good news, not least that the Sun has got its hat on, hip hip hip hooray. Yes, that’s right, Mr Brown is now making the weather, too. It’s a brave thing to do in Britain (sorry, Gordonia) but he is exactly that.

He came before us as a visionary but, sadly, unlike Gandhi, he had no loincloth. Gordon’s vision has taken a while but then, you can’t rush these things. The apple does not just fall from the tree (as Newton knows), you have to see it fall. Still, it has been more than 18 months since Mr Brown said he wanted a vision, not an election. Since then he has been sitting cross-legged, chanting, with fellow visionary Peter Mandelson (this is a two-for-one vision deal, like Specsavers).

My only cavil is that the name, Building Britain’s Future, is, as visions go, a bit clunky. Surely, Gordon was just being modest (as you may know Mr Brown is an expert on modesty and, as he reminded us yesterday, humility). I understand he thought of Paradise Rebranded (Milton, a sub-visionary, would have understood). Or Gordonia — Leading the World. But, whatever it’s called, it is all marvellous and here is why:

Everyone has a job. Yes, everyone. There are no skivers in Gordonia. Every youngster will have a skills base whether they like it or not. It is costing a billion and it is not just a pledge but a “guarantee”, just like you get with a fridge.

Green Gordonia. Blake (another lesser visionary) may have dreamt up that line about a green and pleasant land but it has taken Gordo to flesh out the detail. Forget the new Jerusalem, now we know this means four commercial-scale carbon capture and storage demo plants. (NB: these are NOT dark satanic mills).

Everyone has a house. It is like The Three Little Pigs for the masses. Over two years we are tripling our investment to create zillions of homes (all of them green, another bit Blake left out) and then we are going to evict all the migrants. In Gordonia, it is local housing for local people. I’m not sure what that means but the Big Bad Wolf may be busy.

Targets are out, personal entitlement (PE) is in. Several people in the Commons asked what the difference was. Mr Brown — so modest — didn’t like to say. Basically, we may all get PE cards — like Tesco Clubcards — to swipe if we want health checks or personal tutors or to “extend our choices”. In Gordonia, everyone’s choices are always being extended.

Spend, spend, spend. In G-Utopia, spending plans are tedious irritating things that just remind people of the debt (sorry, did I say debt, what I meant was investment opportunities). Yesterday Mr Brown explained that the decision on this was, really, up to the Chancellor (that modesty again).

So there you have it. Isn’t it great? The only tiny cloud on the horizon (I’m sure Gordo can remove it) is that no one knows what’s happening with the Royal Mail. Still, visionaries don’t need the post, do they?

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