Roll up, roll up for the battle of the theme parks, with two new rides in
Orlando opening this week.
In the Disney corner, Toy Story Mania, after the Pixar movie that launched
computer-generated feature films. In the Universal Studios corner the
Simpsons' Krustyland, after what is not simply the most popular cartoon
series of all time, but the longest-running sitcom. There's no love lost
between the two companies.
This year Disney celebrates 80 years since Uncle Walt founded it. Did
Universal Studios time its Simpsons launch to rain on Toy Story's parade? Is
it pure coincidence that both are themed like old-fashioned Midway carnival
attractions? Officially, no comment. But, as Homer might say, does the Pope
s*** in the woods? Is a bear Catholic?
BIG IDEA
Toy Story: You are one of Andy's toys, shrunk to size in his giant
bedroom. The toys stage a fair under his bed, which involves you riding in a
spinning car wearing 3-D glasses, and shooting moving fairground targets
with a giant pop-gun. Sometimes they hit back with a blast of real air or
water - touch being the additional “dimension” that lets Disney call this a
4-D ride.
Simpsons: You enter Krustyland through the head of Krusty the Clown,
his tongue laid out in a 35ft-long red carpet. The big ride is a motion
simulator in which evil Sideshow Bob attempts to kill you on a giant screen.
FUN FACTOR
Toy Story: There is an atavistic pleasure in pumping away on an
old-fashioned pop-gun rather than pressing an electronic button; though some
suggestible young women were rendered hysterical on launch day by what this
repetitive action suggested, particularly since one of the Midway
attractions, a ring-toss game, is called “Buzz Lightyear's Tossers”.
There is a real thrill and novelty in the way your shots are translated by one
of 150 computers into balls, darts or other missiles on the screen.
Simpsons: The six minutes of action are so fast and furious that you'll
immediately want to go again, to catch the bits you missed. It begins with
the destruction by Sideshow Bob of the roller coaster you seem to be on,
unleashing a chaotic rampage through Krustyland.
Your car careers out of control into Captain Dinosaur's Pirate Rip-Off (a
none-too- subtle parody of Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean), then makes a
giant evil robot panda knock the head off an irritating singing elf
(woo-hoo! Take that, Disney's Small World ride), before getting towed around
a water tank by a killer whale (Sea World).
Semi-finally, you re-create the Simpsons' opening credits by bumping the
family into their house and on to their sofa... before the mayhem starts up
all over again.
IN-QUEUE ENTERTAINMENT
Toy Story: The antechamber is a giant bedroom, with outsized toys and
board games, and features the world's most sophisticated Animatronic: a
talking, moving Mr Potatohead, which cost $1 million to build.
Simpsons: TV screens show clips from past episodes linked with newly
commissioned material, such as safety tips from hopeless police chief
Wiggum: “If you must throw up, do it in your hat. And beware Sideshow Bob:
if you see him, call 119... no, 191... er...”
FAITHFULNESS TO THE ORIGINAL
Toy Story: The ride has been in development since 2005, though it was
only after Disney formally acquired Pixar in 2006 that Toy Story creator
John Lasseter properly came on board. He insisted on the original animators
being involved, as well as on the inclusion of Buzz Lightyear, whom Disney
had left out as he already has his own ride called Astro-Blasters.
Simpsons: Creator Matt Groening, producer James Brooks and the writing
team were heavily involved throughout the two-year development of the ride.
The original voice artists are featured, most notably Kelsey “Frasier”
Grammer as Sideshow Bob.
MERCHANDISING
Toy Story: The gift shop has yet to open, but is expected to include
merchandise from a range of Pixar films, not just Toy Story.
Simpsons: The gift shop is housed in - yes! - a Kwik-E-Mart, and has an
awesome selection for all ages.
SPECIAL EVENTS
Toy Story: Four floats carry 40 insanely enthusiastic dancers, many
dressed in stifling Pixar character suits, grinning away despite the heat.
And they do this three times a day.
Simpsons: Whaddya want? as Krusty might say. You've had your yuks, now
get outta here already ya big schlemiel.
And the winner is...
... you. Toy Story may come out just ahead on points, but both rides are
terrific fun. And both companies stand to benefit. As Buzz Lightyear would
surely put it, “To liquidity and beyond!” Or, as Homer would more succinctly
riposte: “Do'h!”
THE SHOWDOWN: HEAVYWEIGHTS OR LIGHTWEIGHTS?
Toy Story
Big idea 4/5
Fun factor 4/5
In-queue surprises 5/5
True to the original 5/5
Add-ons 4/5
Special events 4/5
The Simpsons
Big idea 4/5
Fun factor 5/5
In-queue surprises 4/5
Faithfulness to the original 5/5
Add-ons 4/5
Special events 0/5
