Magazine lead-times are to blame for the sad eternal that this snippet is filed two weeks or so prior to publication. So when I report that I’ve spent the past ten days gawking at fashion shows in New York and then at London Fashion Week (right now, at nearly midnight, I’m staring at an unpacked suitcase, and I’m off to Milan in seven hours), this probably rings no bells. Except, possibly: “Fashion week(s)? Ah yes, I vaguely recall pictures of skinny girls wearing odd things back in mid-September.” Yet I’ve learnt three timeless Token Male truths in the past few days. First is, if you are ever against the clock but need to pee, do not – at all costs – be lured into joining an all-female line for unisex cubicles. They take for ever. At least four minutes per woman. You will miss your bus.

The second, barely less profound, revelation came courtesy of director R. J. Cutler, who described his pitch for American Vogue editor Anna Wintour before filming began on The September Issue. A colleague made Cutler have a manicure beforehand, and he allowed the manicurist to apply nail polish. Now manicures, wonderful in theory, often over-feminise and are expensive. Should you have iffy hands, simply soak in as-hot-as-you-can-take water for two minutes and slather on your girlfriend’s moisturiser – Gentlemen’s Tonic hand balm, (£12; gentlemenstonic.com ) is a lovely buy-it- yourself option. Then use that girlfriend’s emery board to file your nails. You’re set.

The third one came as I wrote this, watching Newsnight. Never, ever, take advice on how to dye your hair from Andrew Neil.

tokenmale@thetimes.co.uk