I am just about to get married, and the article made me smile too. Why do we always ignore common sense? Apart from anything else, phrases such as 'what goes around comes around' and 'one good turn deserves another' show us that in marriage, as in the rest of life, it is far more satisfying to be 'nice'.

Cath, Exeter,

I have a wonderful marriage - going on 27 years. I told my son before he got married that to have a happy and successful marriage, your wife should be your best friend as well as your soul mate, etc. If you are best friends, then you can share, laugh, cry and be happy not just through the good times but through the hard times.

Alexandra J. Grant, Palm Springs, CA, USA

Thank you for the reminder, Ms Purves- a nerve has been hit! It's so easy to lose sight of these simple but essential truths when caught up in the humdrum of everyday life.

SauerKraut, Switzerland,

A wonderful message...
Libby Purves deserves three cheers, not two and a half..!

Mathew, Mumbai, India

i am going to keep this article just in case i ever get maried

simon , london,

Yes. As somebody once said, Behave towards other people as you would like them to behave to you.

Martin, Derby, UK

Libby Purvis is absolutely right. No-one would expect a friend to put up with being taken for granted, ignored or treated rudely. If you just took what you wanted from a pal without giving anything back and then bitched about them for good measure, you would soon be friendless. Who would argue that friendship needs to be worked at, nurtured and supported with understanding and humour or, in other words, loving acceptance? Why then should married people show each other less consideration and respect? We're in our 44th year of marriage and would love another 44! Happiness flows not from having the 'last word' or 'winning' the battle of the sexes but from showing each other courtesy and tact, giving compliments as often as possible and taking pleasure in your other half's little triumphs while being their staunch ally in times of trouble. You use fewer muscles smiling, too, and contented people look younger!

sarah, bournemouth,

I completely agree with Libby Purves and Blanche Ebbutt. Kindness is the only basis for every close relationship, whether with partners, family members or best friends. Too many people pride themselves on being "honest" with loved ones, doling out tongue-lashings and expecting their nearest and dearest to love them despite the avalanches of scorn - and then they wonder why their spouse leaves them and they have no friends. For those on the receiving end of this boorish treatment, the experience can be misery - more lonely, in fact, than being completely by oneself.

K John, London, UK

That has so hit the nail on the head, had me smiling all the way through.

All the women I know are incredibly nice to their friends, always make time for them, go out with them in the evenings, complement them continually, and send warm text messages etc etc. Some however grumble at their partners, complain about them to friends, and dont have the same gentle tone of voice when they speak to them, what a shame.

A happy home is one where people are nice to each other, its as simple as that.

Minum, London,

It's about time we started telling the truth! I am 30 and have been married for 3 years. In the beginning, I ignored my mother's advice on how to treat a husband
(with respect,kindness, etc), I told her that her African views had no place in the modern world.I laughed and told her that women my age,even back home in Nigeria did not act the way she expected me to. So off I went being "modern", having ridiculous expectations of my husband, competing with him, treating him like an adversary. The result? Absolute hell!
Luckily for me, my mother also taught me the catholic faith and through that I realised that I was being a hypocrite. I would be saintly one minute whilst reciting my rosary but as soon as I finished I would be making my husband feel inadequate for the most minor thing.I decided to treat him with more kindness and show appreciation. The results have been incredible.
There a certain rules for marriage that are timeless.Ignore them at your peril!

Ngozi, London, England

Did Ali from Margate read a different article to me? I didn't think it was an attack on feminisim, just on the need for people, especially those in a close relationship (and hence usually male/female people) to be considerate and courteous to each other. It's a good point which also goes for politeness between individuals in society generally. We'd all be a lot better off if we were less rude and arrogant. But "the aggression with which some women have tried to be as good as or better than men" doesn't sound to me like a good place to start, Ali. Rather than "feminism has brought out the worst in women" I think sounds as if it has brought out the worst in at least one person, who seems to me to have some way to go before they embrace the idea of equality quite as wholeheartedly as they think.

anne murphy, London,

I couldn't agree more. You're talking about simple good behaviour and treating someone you are meant to love with respect rather than contempt. My husband and I both work, and one of us always earns more than the other! If we spent our time lording it over one another because of our different contributions to the team effort that keeps our family afloat we would be a miserable pair indeed.

Camille, London,

I couldn't agree more. Feminism has brought the worst out in women, and though I embrace the idea of equality wholeheartedly, the aggression with which some women have tried to be as good as, or better than, men, has soured the relationship between the sexes even further. Men and women are different, and have different needs and rather than pretend those differences don't exist we should celebrate them. A little bit of courtesy goes a long way, and would also teach our children that it pays off instead of encouraging them to go to school and employ the same methods on their friends, thereby perpetuating the problem.

Ali, Margate, UK

Simple niceness, civilised gentleness. The basis of all successful relationships and a 'good society'?

enthusiast, Pembrokeshire,

Right on Libby! Very refreshing indeed.

Saurabh Sircar, Philadelphia, USA

This year my better half and I celebrate 25 years of marriage. I still don't know a lot about the fairer sex, but several things has been seered into my brain..COMMUNICATION..TRUST..LOVE..KINDNESS..over the past few years I have tried to put my wifes' happiness as my first priority. I have found that by doing that I actually make myself happier too...peace to all.

Mark Willmott, Kitchener, Ontario, Canada

Why haven't any women commented on this piece?

Varun Mahan, Singapore, Singapore

Perhaps you should be an agony aunt.

Robert Nowell, Barnet,

*Sigh* - Libby Purves - how is it you get it spot-on EVERY time?

Martin Evans, Newmarket, Suffolk